The Echoed Whistle
THE EYES OF THE UNIVERSE ARE UPON US!
ÅRE, SWEDEN
Down the line the echoed whistle of the morning train to Trondheim signals time enough to grab my bag and run. My clandestine Swedish cabin—on the Right Side of the tracks—sits near enough to ride the rails; the rosy Nordic dawn shines light enough to flag the engineer; and the future of the world weighs a million metric tons, cause enough to flee. But with my San Francisco accent and the omnipresent future everywhere, how far from our ubiquitous town of Last Chance could I really get?
Better to stay hidden in my secret hideout—on the Left Bank of the river. Better to pull on my expedition weights and drink a honey-sweetened pot of smoky tea. Better to light one candle—yes!—and compose an invitation to the readers of The Daily Triumph.
prologue
Dispatch #1
Fellow Citizens of Earth:
Only moments ago, 99.9% of our world’s citizens learned that every single one of us is excluded from membership in the International Society for Philosophical Enquiry. Knowledge of our plight pounced from the Society’s recruitment letter, posted online by Doctor P. H. D. Pomposity, Ph.D., who was thereby obliged to reveal that his own IQ is above the 150 smarts required for membership.
To turn this pile of...lead into nuggets of gold, I am pleased to offer all my fellow excludees…. Oh! But first, a disclaimer: I, Eva Bittersweet, your Future Spy, cannot say for certain that my own Intelligence Quotient falls below the Society’s prerequisite 150, although I am intelligently quotient enough to gather that if one does not know one’s IQ, one can bet it is not within 100 points, either way, of 150.
On the other hand, my CSQ—Common Sense Quotient—always struggles to persevere. And you, my fellow-excludees who rampage at rampant heartlessness, my CSQ compatriots who see the world and cry, “Oh, my God! How can humanity survive its inhumanity?”—welcome to WE BOCS, the Worldwide Enthusiastic Brigade of Common Sense.
The only membership requirement is that you be emotionally disturbed. Because anyone who can live in this world without being emotionally disturbed, honey, is emotionally insane.
Conceived in savvy and dedicated to the proposition that common sense is the only way to triumph over cruelty and madness, WE BOCS concentrates on winning the war on terrorism by (a) refraining from causing terror and (b) eliminating existing terror.
Fellow Citizens of Earth: The eyes of the Universe are upon us!
I invite all readers of The Daily Triumph to come together at 7:30 Wednesday evening down at the Habit Exchange, right here in our own ubiquitous town of Last Chance. Crack the code that begins with the word ‘libido’! Train in talking Triple Talk! Unscramble the verb ‘to be’! Overcome the deadly forces of futility with enthusiastic rationality!
Fervently,
Eva Bittersweet, Future Spy
There! I have responsibilities, a cause, a sense of purpose. Future WE BOCSITARIANS need me. I shall not flee.